With the focus of this month on Mother’s Day, I felt it would be only right for me to share with you a little bit about my journey as a mother.
For as long as I can remember, I have always had this need in me to have a child. Coming from a family of 4 kids, with 2 siblings being considerably older than I am, I can remember changing my eldest nephew’s nappies when I was 12 years old. For extra income, I helped out at a nursery school that my eldest sister was teaching at and it was this love of children that cemented in me that I could not go through my life not being a Mom.
Just under 30 years ago when I left school, I had the belief structure that you need to go to university, get further education behind your name, find “Mr. Right”, marry, have a family and live in that white picket fenced house. So that is what I did. The only problem was that after a few years, Mr. Right turned around and decided that he didn’t want children in his life, ever!
This was a hard pill for me to swallow because this deep crying need inside of me to hold my own child just would not keep its voice quiet. And the more I tried to shut it down, the louder it screamed at me. Sadly, Mr. Right became Mr. Right Now and the 2 of us parted.
So, this led me through some of the worst and best years of my life. The highs were over the top epic and amazing, but the lows were dark desperate times that horror movies are made of. However, through everything that happened during this time, there was never a moment where I doubted that I would be a Mom – and a phenomenal one at that!
In 2012 I met my husband via an online dating site. Gosh, the stories I could share about the crazies I came in contact with on that site could be a blog story on its own! It was an incredible 6 months together before he proposed to me and shortly thereafter we were married. But my biggest blessing came the day I closed myself in my bathroom and took my first home pregnancy test. I was terrified to see the results. The waiting nearly killed me as I watched the seconds tick by before I took a quick peek at the results….1 line? 2 lines?
What was I going to see?
To my amazement, there were what I thought were 2 lines. My mind was racing. Could this really be it? Something I have had my heart set on for so long was finally happening. I knew it was true, but I needed to be certain. So I got into my car and headed off to the nearest Lancet lab to get a blood test done and hopefully confirm my suspicions. Even though I knew I could only be about 2 weeks in, I had to be certain before I could even speak the words to anyone.
I vividly remember walking into the lab offices, filling in the paperwork they required from me so they could draw my blood, and then anxiously waiting at the hospital whilst they ran the test. I tried to eat something to help pass the time, but I was so nervous about the result that each bite of food just stuck in my throat and I found it challenging to swallow even the smallest bite.
After what seemed an eternity, my phone finally buzzed. The test results were in. I paid my bill and quickly made my way through to get my results.
The results were a big fat YES. I was definitely pregnant. My heart was racing with excitement. This is what I had been wanting for the longest time. I was ready to scream from the rooftops and tell the entire neighborhood the joy I felt in my heart. My husband too was ecstatic and this made the journey ahead even more exciting.
Reality only really set in when we had our first appointment with our gynae, and we got to see our little bean sprout for the first time. It was an incredibly emotional moment for me. I had a tiny living being
growing inside of me. I was carrying something more precious than any material treasure in the world.
As a 38-year-old mother-to-be, the pregnancy was classed as high-risk, and on top of needing to be monitored regularly by my gynae, I needed to see a fetal specialist so they could ensure that there were no complications with the pregnancy and the development of my baby.
At 12 weeks along, at an early 07h30, we were sitting outside the Specialist’s office door, nervously waiting to see him and worried that he would find something that wasn’t right with our little bundle of joy. We were ushered into his rooms and were faced with a pleasant, soft-spoken gentleman who calmly went through every part of our little baby with us. The final result….we had a healthy baby boy on the way.
My heart was soaring with joy and we were able to announce to all our family, friends, and colleagues our wonderful news. I remember clearly how excited both our parents were that they were going to be Grandparents. For my side of the family, it would be the 7th Grandson and my husband the first.
The pregnancy itself had its ups and downs. After the first few weeks, I couldn’t stand the smell of coffee or meat (my husband had to cook many of our dinners during that time), and I will never forget asking our receptionist in the office to please ask the supplier to change the automatic toilet spray in the office bathrooms because the current spray smelt like cat pee to me.
In June 2013 our gorgeous baby boy, Ryan Deane, was born, weighing in at 2.8 kgs. As soon as I laid eyes on him, my heart exploded with love for this bundle that I had been carrying inside of me for just under 9 months. This was what I had been made to be. Outside of being a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend, at that moment everything confirmed to me that I was born to be a Mom to this little boy.
And what a joy the last 8 years have been with him. From watching him smile up at me for the first time to taking his first steps, and every other milestone he has successfully achieved.
The Lessons I Learned Along The Way
During this entire time, there are a few life lessons that I have learned along the way:
The best things are worth the wait. You may be in a space at the moment where your heart desires something, but you feel the doors are shut. Don’t give up on those dreams and goals. Keep believing, keep praying, and asking for them, and at the right time, you will receive.
The right choices are not necessarily the easy ones. Before you make those life-impacting decisions, take some time out to look at the pros and cons, write it down and make an informed decision. Don’t go and ask your broke neighbour for advice on money, for example, but rather reach out to people who have been in the space you need to make decisions on, and get first-hand information from successful people.
Look after yourself too. Since the birth of my son, this is something I have had to learn. I can only give him, and the rest of our family, the best when I am at my best. So take that extra few minutes in the bathroom to give yourself a facial, go off to the spa and treat yourself, arrange to meet up with a friend for some conversation outside of house responsibilities and bills.
If you are looking for some amazing pamper products to spoil yourself with, jump over to my online shop and give yourself a home spa day.
~ No one will ever know the strength of my love for you my boy. After all, you are the first one to know what my heart sounds like from the inside ~